Could BDSM be the antidote to our pandemic-fueled loss of control?

BDSM practices could offer a way to regain a sense of control. Like even before anything sexy happens. The consent dialogues that are a necessary component in BDSM — in which you get to say what you do and do not want to happen to your body — give you a sense of agency. Or, as I like to say: you can’t give up power if you don’t have it. And talking about who’s gonna be in charge in bed makes it clear that everyone involved does, in fact, have power.

Plus, some of the skills you learn in BDSM scene negotiations easily crossover into daily life. Being able to advocate for your desires and set personal boundaries with comfort is a crucial skill all the time, but especially in this “who has to wear a mask” moment. After years of learning to be specific about what feels good and bad to me, I am completely unafraid to tell someone how I want to interact with them in terms of COVID safety. All these benefits and no one’s even been spanked yet.

The specific acts of BDSM create heightened focus and take you out of your head. You empty your mind of all the garbage that’s been put in it. “Being fully present in the here and now, being in touch with your emotions and vulnerability, existing in a space that is safe enough to accept and honor whatever is released, and starting to make peace with all that you are can be a life-changing gift.”

Maybe BDSM is a way of creating a sense of balance in an otherwise otherwise unpredictable world.

There’s also a physiological component at play when you’re experimenting with bondage or impact play. And importantly in this viral moment, you don’t have to have sex with someone — or even touch them — to do BDSM. “The release of endorphins that one gets when engaged in any kind of sexual activity can also be obtained when practicing non-sexual bondage or impact play”

In other words, you don't have to fuck to get the same physiological rewards as sex. If you build a good scene, the endorphins will come.

Bondage holds a dear place in my heart because, honestly, sometimes when the world is falling apart, it’s only Shibari rope holding together. That could be partially a product of me loving sub space, but it also has something to do with the unique bodily rewards of bondage. “Bondage play, such as with ropes or tools like body sacks, can feel like a comforting swaddle — imagine a baby wrapped up tight — to the person being bound,”

Despite cultural portrayals of kink, it’s not all sex and bruises. “When we people engage in BDSM, there’s some amount of aftercare that happens following the act”

“Aftercare encourages intimacy and communication in a moment in which people are feeling a lack of intimacy”. “It’s an important and underlooked at aspect of BDSM.”

Consider the possibility that BDSM could be the one stone that kills many of your psycho-spiritual vultures.